FartSackShameTime

It was a cold morning and I decided to warm these soldiers up quickly knowing that they had decided to go on today’s journey with pain in mind. Originally, I wasn’t supposed to be the Q but found out last night that my sub-Q decided that the UNC game was going to keep him up and that he wouldn’t be able to make it. Well hell, I didn’t know that basketball was so damn important, but I guess it is. So, fart-sack away O-Town, I have something for you in the workout anyway. You ball watching girly-man.

 

After walking through my neighborhood and seeing that EVERYONE decided that they were going to stay warm in their crap ridden bedsheets I decided that we were going to play a new game called workout in fart-sackers yards. I briskly walked to the blastoff location and gathered my soldiers, starting with a little good morning stretch. This was of course after the warning of not to hurt oneself and that I wasn’t a professional. The later was very much contested and after I assured them that I may look like a Olympic athlete but that I was in fact not we then went to the rock pile and grabbed some rocks.

 

Well, once we got to the pile location I heard some mumble chatter that they were going to have to carry these damn things until we got back from running in the burg. Well, I decided to surprise them and have them throw the rocks back after some exercise so that I didn’t have to hear the crying while we went to cause some trouble.

 

We then ran to the beginning of the kingdom known as the berg. While going to me casa, we did 5 world war 2s at every mailbox and our stomachs started to burn. Then we decided to meet in my front lawn to do a round the world of various core exercises. They seemed to not enjoy this very much and some were confiding to me that their little tummies hurt due to pain. Well, I could care less about their menstrual cramps and decided to further my plan of REVENGE.

 

1^st stop O-Towns front yard

I forget what we did but I do know that I said that we should do it loud. O-Town was lying in the fart sac dreaming of a dog licking peanut butter off his inner thigh and was suddenly rustled awake by the thunderous sound of our pain train chanting in his front yard. He walked outside in his underwear and we chained him to the 6 so that they could make him hold his head down while we went to the next location.

 

2^nd stop Southern Fried front yard

Southern fried was dreaming of making sweet love to a care bear when the siren sound of men working out in his front yard make him stop humping his pillow and walk out the front door with pasties on his nipples. As before, we gathered him and tied him to the shame chain.

 

3^rd and final stop Baby Ruth’s front yard

Baby Ruth was sleeping as the has been for the pat 4 months in his fart-sack dreaming of a ferret licking his ear while rubbing his 6 in a bowl full of rice pudding. However, we called him from his slumber and he ran out like a chicken with his head cutoff and was placed behind the other two panty wearing labia owners that decided that fart-sacking was more important than the nation of F3.

 

We then walked them through Kings landing while ringing a bell and yelling shame every time it rang. They all started to cry and we made them bear crawl back to their M’s explaining why they were going to be better men and learn how to sew as well. Their M’s said to look at the men standing in their front yards and know that these were real men that knew what was up. As we stood in the yard and the wives started with longing eyes we had to pick up the money that the wives were throwing at us while yelling for us to take it off. Mellow Johnny and THE Oprah, who wasn’t even there, parachuted out of the sky and decreed that the East Side is the side that represents what men should be about. All the women cheered (And wet-spot on the eastside) and smacked the Fart-sackers across the face to make them stop sobbing and to put some pants on.

 

We then decided to leave this sad display of fart-sackers and decided to go back to the blastoff location. We celebrated a perfect victory over the hold of sleep and knew that eventually these fart-sackers would comply.

 

 

East Side 4 Eva

 

Prayers

Brother David appendix taken out

Greenville 1st Wesleyan church

Bedpans transition to a new work schedule

 

Announcements

Highway cleanup in April

Tomorrow donations if you cant make the ruck event