You’re Probably Going to Hate THIS…

75 PAX showed up to the CLYDESDALES – it was the biggest non-convergence Q in ENC history. Cousin IT told me he would have to check, but it may even have been a F3 NATION Record. 75 PAX… WOW…

WELL, the workout was an utter disaster.

The SIX was unfindable at times. Men were hurt – emotionally, physically, and mentally. And, someone might have perished.

It was like the warring scene in Anchorman where bands of news teams fought in the streets with both sophisticated and rudimentary weaponry. No one was officially armed, but it felt that way. The tension was palpable

It all started when PAX member RAMEN NOODLES face planted 10 steps into the first MOSEY.

His nose crunched like his name sake and the parking lot pavement ran crimson red with his blood. His left wrist was at a minimum dislocated. My best guess is multiple breaks and definite surgery, but I’m no doctor.

What is a Q to do?

I instructed someone to dial 9-1-1, moved his writhing carcass out of the road, and left him with a half full water bottle (Thank you Cold-Cut), saying something like, “Good luck?”

But, almost in the same moment, with the sight of blood, the CLYDESDALES lost an additional three members – CLAYTON, THE EDGE, and MULLEN JR each scampered off scurred in different directions. They whined incessantly about the screaming and the blood and the crunching. Like their internationally-loved front man (who I guess decided to FARTSACK this AM), these sissy-boys were out of control babbling short-backs with opaquing retinas and suspect olfactory systems (apparently, they all pee a little when they see YHC as well).

PAX continued to splinter – it was complete chaos.

Next thing I know, The CEREAL GANG cut across towards COLLEGE HILL crossing the railroad tracks. These EMOTIONAL EATERS were both triggered and all carbed up. One of them elbowed the passenger window of a lonely YARIS near SCOTT HALL while another ripped at the wired guts of the “vehicle” and mashed stuff together until the “engine” turned on. It was like a scene from a movie. I was told they CLOWN CARRED to some easier workout on FIRETOWER RD – THE “GOOD” FIGHT. So, we lost CHEERIOS and KASHI (both Gastroenterologists), APPLE JAX, COCOA PEBBLES, FRUIT LOOPS, and CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH (a band of traveling thespians from Spokane, WA) as well as, FLAX CHIA, KETO KIX, and OATS (some of ABU’s friends they said). Finally, there was GRAPE NUTS, ORIGINAL BRAN, and IRISH OATS (some OGs who escaped from their holding center a few miles away at Cypress Glen).

READER, please stop speculating the validity of this tale – it was one car and it was a YARIS – I make none of this up.

The NOT so OBVIOUS CREW was next. Yes, we had competing groups of cliques [stop rolling your eyes and just go with it]. They ran from the CEREAL GANG and RAMEN NOODLES (and those unassociated) towards Charles BLVD. 8:00 min mile pace was achieved rather rapidly by their unofficially acutely appointed leader – PRIVATE AMBIGUOUS (No, not a double entendre I asked). PA was followed by SIR OBSCURE, DR. DISPUTABLE, MR. DUBIOUS, and THE INVISIBLE MAN (I think). The SECRET KEEPER brought up the SIX.  One of them yelled back, “Going to run loops and routes… Can’t deal with the blood.” That’s all I could make out – the seemed to be in a RUSH (hearty-har-har).

We were only 8 mins in – we had lost 22 men (not counting BONO bc he didn’t even show up). I felt like a failure.

Broken Promises…Broken Dreams… and, Broken Bones
Broken Promises…Broken Dreams…Broken Bones
Promises… Dreams… Bones
PromisesDreamsBones

I woke up in a panic.
Sweat trickling out of every pore.
It was 2:30 AM.
______________________________________________

Alright…. FINE….
I’ll level with you guys… 9 PAX showed (including YHC)…

My SLACK banter seemed to push people towards Capt O and Fruity (or, they are both OGs who are just exceedingly more likeable).

At any rate, the WEINKE got neutered immediately when STABLER reminded me that CLYDESDALES is a 1 mile MAX of running – there went ⅓ of the workout – the Indian run up college hill was nixed immediately. I was like Peyton Manning calling audibles at the line, making mostly good decisions.

Even still, I thought the workout went well.

The MUMBLECHATTER was strong and centered around WIMPIE’s t-shirt. Many speculated it was his M’s shirt… white, stretched tight, and sort of see-through, the shirt was awe-inspiring to some and distasteful to others. As the workout went on, his sweat lactation made eyes grow wider or shut faster.

ALL in good fun… We ALL love WIMPIE.

Well… I’m not re-writing the WEINKE – we did some “version” of this:

F3 – Clydesdales – 032521
Intro + Disclaimer + Pledge

Mosey to Far side of upper deck section – Legs
10 x
Step-up + Down on opposite side + 2 Lunges + Step up + Down + 5 Squats (Hold for 6)
Modification – Step-ups = Jump Ups, Squats = Jump Squats

Mosey to Grass by Railroad Track – Chest/Arms
2
7 x Merkins (4-count, IC)
20-sec Plank Hold
5 x shoulder taps
5 x Chuck Norris Merkins (4-Count, IC)
40-sec Plank Hold
5 x shoulder taps
3 x Wide Merkins (OMD)
60-sec Plank Hold
5 x shoulder taps

Mosey to the Bottom of College Hill – Pick up 6 – Pull Ups
ALL PAX – 5 Pull-ups
PAX Choice when not doing pull-ups
Run perimeter of parking lot
5 – Burpees + 20 SSH (Continuous)

Indian Run Back up the Hill to the stop sign (2-3 Groups of 5-10 depending on who shows up) Pick up the 6 and cross 14th together

Mosey to the FLAG

Med Balls – DORA
A: 100 slams – 150 Squat Thrusts – 200 Curls for the GURLS
B: Run up and down closest staircase

Prayers – Bench’s M, Patch’s M, Drone, Kevlar

Announcements – Join WIMPIE @ BLP tomorrow AM, Washington Convergence this weekend