It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Forget that, 2020 was like lemonade mixed with a little puke that you try to swallow back down. When life is tough, sometimes you have to reminisce about the past like Grandma used to do. Just make sure you don’t start talking about the time you first kissed grandpa…wait, that’s a little weird. YHC was inspired by a little diddy from Mellow Johnny at the first Blastoff ever recorded in history. Inspired doesn’t mean stolen, it means, well it means sort of stolen and then made better. 14 studs posted for this episode of the Black Pearl at Blastoff. Like Charleston Heston, we were ready to Blastoff from this planet of the apes. Speaking of Charleston Heston, this backblast is written in the OG style, so it might be as long as a Charleston Heston script.

Warmup: If Tonka was smart enough to know the 5 Core Principles of F3 this workout would have gotten started faster. Instead, he just started talking and never stopped. He missed the 1st core principle twice and cost us 5 burpees. Then, shot out of a cannon like Evel Knievel, the Q took off towards the entrance of BLP only to circle the circle and aim towards the picnic shelter. At least he managed to weave in the F3 Mission, a brief disclaimer, and “follow me”, so any geriatric patients joining us today knew what was ahead. Yes, Cold Cut and Belding, this is you guys. However, I can only wish I was as fit at 60 as you studs.

We were supposed to aim for a 1/4 mile according to MJ. Who knows how far we got, but like Bono’s shorts were were probably a little short. We ended up at the barn, or shelter as this Greenville city folks call it. The warmup went something like this:

• Arm Circles suck, so we did The Sun Goddess (forward, back, hold, overhead)
• Lateral Stretches suck, so we did Don Quixotes
• Knees to Chest stretch is what Mellow Johnny called them – we did some, but renamed them “Standing Wind Relieving pose”. The Q counted no less that 7 wind release.
• 10 Burpees OYO
• We also did Smurf Jacks, just because Papa Smurf is that cool

Thang: MJ started with 11s: Merkins & Squats. We did them across the back softball field at BLP. It was a little dark, but T-Bone made a lot of noise when his hands got wet and Aquaman reminisced about the time he jumped in String Bean’s arms once because he thought he heard what he called a “Great big bear”. For a man who eats raw deer heart, he was unusually quite and tough this morning. MJ had to make sure the pax knew they did 55 merkins and 55 squats in the original BB, so now you know. The benefit of 11s is that it gives pax a chance to talk. Here are some of the things overheard at BLP:

• Arkansas complained about his wenkie getting wet even though he wasn’t the Q
• Belding is moving back to town. Mainly because he misses a Bono Q.
• Redbox is freaky fast.
• Cousin It only complained about form twice.
• Tonka complained about everything.
• Rifiki just shook his head as everyone just chattered.

Then we moseyed to the picnic tables. There Tonka found a piece of gum and Abu wanted to arm wrestle for it. That was not a pretty sight. Fruity, being the only one of sound mind, decided to break it up so we could progress to:

• Step ups IC (20 count) x 2
• Dips (10 count) x 2

There Tonka complained even more. Chimi, almost broke out in a fit of rage and punched him, but he could only reach Tonka left nipple being vertically challenged like YHC.

The disadvantage of history is what was written 6 years ago has now faded from the minds of all the OGs. I mean these jokers should be walking around with a cane and sporting depends, but because they are F3 studs they are merkin’ all over the place. It seemed like MJ wanted the pax to do Knee Jump Tucks and Double Mt Climbers in the fashion of 11s…so that’s what we did. Actually we didn’t. Bono was a Social Studies teacher not a math teacher, so we did 7s instead, just because the Q wanted to do some other things. Our FNG, Urraca, determined he was not a math teacher either so we just made up numbers as we went.

Mellow Johnny seemed to feel like Steve Irwin 6 years ago and wanted the pax to act like animals, so we played along. We got to do the following from tree to tree on the Qs command: Bear Crawls, Elephant Lunges, Frog Jumps, and Cheetah Sprints. It was all fun and games until Cousin IT had his butt fall off. I’m talking literally a big ol’ crack was staring Fruity in the eyes. That stud is strong as an ox but stiff as a board. Luckily, Cold Cut had some duct tape in his truck and we taped it back on. Sometimes it’s fun to rewrite history.

BOM/COT: Prayers were offered for many this morning.  Some praises as well and some gut checks to be better husbands, fathers and leaders.

Naked Man Moleskin: The art of the old school backblast often comes in the moleskin. Originally written to embody the aurora of a vanquished hero lamenting his exploits while sitting naked in a beach chair. The moleskin should mostly involve Truth Nuggets. In this case, this entire backblast was written in truth nuggets.

Now one may not exactly know what a truth nugget is, but like Belding and Cold Cut you know when that nugget squeezes out into your formerly clean underoos after turning 60.

Honestly the key to the backblast is to make sure that only those pax strong enough to post know what really happened. It’s like a really good inside joke. FOMA exudes from anyone who enjoyed the fart sack or is afraid of the rain. Tonka summed it up well when he talked about the allure of the fart sack and why he still got up. So next time, get out of the fart sack and post.

This workout was a long time coming. ENC started almost 6 years ago and on Monday, the Q made a push to see how many OGs he could get to come out. No less than 20 pax were messaged. Most showed up and those who didn’t had a reason. Still others, has commitments at other AOs. The art of the “Ask” should not be lost. As a Q be sure to invite cool guys to post. That way it’s always fun. Without a doubt I can tell you I love each and every man who posted at the Pearl today and many, many more who were not able to come. Till the next time we meet in the gloom…

Original Backblast from Mellow Johnny – February 27, 2015

Pax: Pax: Bigfoot (moved), Charlie Brown (RESPECT), Coach K, Cold-Cut (DOUBLE RESPECT), Cousin IT, Hokie, Mellow Johnny, T-Bone (RESPECT), The Closed Hand, Tonka

Warmup

1/4 mile Jog

Circled up for stretches

• Arm Circles IC (Forward and Reverse)
• Lateral Stretch
• Knees to chest Stretch

Circle of Pain

• 10 Burpees OYO
• Side Planks IC (Each Side)

Thang

Elevens or 11s (10 cones were spread out over 200 yds)

Merkins and Sqauts

Starting with 1 Merkin and 10 squats at the first cone and adding 1 merkin and removing 1 squat at every cone until we ended with 10 merkins and 1 squat.  Total amount was 55 merkins and 55 squats

The PAX planked until all were finished.

At the picnic tables

• Step ups IC (20 count) x 2
• Dips (10 count) x 2

Elevens or 11s back to the starting point

Jump High Knees and Mtn Climbers (Righ and Left legs equal a 1 count)

Starting with 1 Jump High Knees and 10 Mtn. Climbers and adding 1 Jump High Knees and removing 1 Mtn Climber at every cone until we ended with 10 Jump High Knees and 1 Mtn. Climber.  Total amount was 55 Jump High Knees and 55 Mtn. Climbers

1/4 mile jog around the track

Lined up for exercises at the first cone and performed the following exercises to the second/third cone (about 30 yards between each cone)

• Alternating Lunges to the 2nd cone
• Bear Crawl from 2nd to 3rd cone
• Alternating Lunges back to 2nd cone
• Bear Crawl from 2nd cone to starting point
• Frog Squat Jumps to the 2nd cone
• Sprint from 2nd cone to 3rd cone
• Sprint from 3rd cone to 2nd cone
• Frog Squat Jumps from 2nd cone to starting point

Circle of Mary

• V – ups IC
• Leg Climbers IC (both legs) IC
• Russian Twist IC
• Low Plank to High Plank (IC)

We ended with BallofMan

The PAX were excited that Raleigh was going to join us for Saturday’s Workout (Boyd Lee Beatdown)